At the Heart of it All

my recent search for a great desideratum was temporarily put on hold after i realized i needed to a vacation from life. i was on the verge of burning out. i was constantly tired. i also had insomnia, racing thoughts and occasional headaches which were probably the result of large quantities of caffeine i was consuming to stay awake. what a viscous cycle. usually i would prefer taking a trip to some destination far, far away on the other side of the world but i decided on a staycation because i'm trying to build up my savings that i depleted last year. during the first few days of my staycation i meditated and got in touch with nature - i went hiking and went to the beach. i also helped my aunty with her three-acre healing garden which was very rewarding. on the fourth day, i decided to take up a friend's offer to a reiki healing session. for those skeptical of reiki let me tell you it works! 

according to wikipedia, "reiki (pronounced ray-key) is a form of energy healing that centers on the manipulation of ki, the Japanese version of chi. Rei means spirit in Japanese, so reiki literally means spirit life force. practitioners of reiki believe that health and disease are a matter of the life force being disrupted. " 
my entire session lasted about 30 minutes. at no time did my friend's hands touch me yet whenever his hands hovered over my body i felt tingling as he passed through the area, especially my chest region. in fact, i felt my chest flutter with butterflies several times during the healing session. i was in a daze after the session ended, the kind you get after a deep tissue massage. my friend said he had removed a lot of excess energy especially from my heart region as well as my crown chakra, which would explain the butterflies in my chest. here's the low down of the heart and crown chakras.  

Heart Chakra

If our early needs for security and belonging are not met, if disruption and fear are the norm, or if our connection to nature is tenuous, we end up feeling unrooted, anxious and insecure about our right to be here. Psychological symptoms may surface - neuroses, chronic anxiety, fears of becoming ill or dying, feeling vulnerable, ungrounded and afraid of getting one's hands dirty.

Crown Chakra

Healing the second chakra involves learning to recognize and respond to our wounded "inner child"; uncovering and healing painful memories of abuse or neglect; learning to forgive; and releasing blame and guilt. It means gently finding the courage to open ourselves to emotional intimacy. Often a wise and trusted counselor or healer can facilitate this process. Developing self-compassion and self-nurturing is key.

while my friend explained the different chakras to me i began to ball uncontrollably. he asked me what was wrong, i told him i didn't know. i was taken aback myself. it was very unusual for me to cry for no reason. as soon as i pulled myself together, my mother's image popped in my head. i'll spare you the details but for as long as i can remember we've always had strained yet somewhat respectful (mostly on my part) relationship. being around my mother was like walking on eggshells. she tried to be a good mother, but i think her abusive childhood and divorce from my father made her into a bitter woman. i remember listening to hours of my mother bitching about my father and other rantings. i was seven and it continued until 2010.  she was affectionate only when she wanted. praise and love weren't present in my household. my father wasn't around much. he was a successful businessman and the bottle comforted him more than his family. he's no longer an alcoholic today, and i'm grateful that he is still around. 

don't get me wrong i love my parents. it wasn't until the reiki session that i realized that i had not grieved nor dealt with the feelings of being robbed of a loving childhood and not feeling appreciated from my parents. i had buried the pain so deep but when it came out it erupted. i also realized i was being hard on myself. i know that my parents love me, but in their own way and i accept that now. before my reiki treatment, i had felt like a fool for thinking that they would one day love me unconditionally. i am hopeful though that one day they'll be appreciative for all the wonderful gifts that life offers them. i will smile upon that day. after my epiphany every single unrealistic expectation that i had of my parents had dissipated. i acknowledged the situation and accepted it, along with my parents. i no longer feel inferior or frightened in their presence. i have set some boundaries which makes being around them actually enjoyable. in fact, i'm taking her out for her birthday tomorrow. we're going to go to a wonderful and (hopefully) relaxing sunday brunch by the beach. i'm sure we'll enjoy ourselves, at least i will. as for that great desideratum - i no longer have a need to find something or someone to distract me. there are too many distractions in life as is. the thought of more seems maddening. 

i will probably need a couple more sessions. however my friend assured me that it won't be as emotional as the first time. he said it was intense because i've been carrying a ton of emotional baggage all these years. i thanked him and gave him a big hug just before he left. i hadn't felt this light in awhile. having closure and peace of mind is golden. as i was walked back in my apartment i noticed a light colored moth on the ceiling in my living room. i hadn't seen it minutes before. the japanese believe that a visit of a moth is a deceased ancestor (or loved one) paying you a visit. what a magical way to end my first reiki healing session.  

pic of the moth that visited me after my reiki session

there are a total of seven major chakras and 21 minor chakras. i'll hold off on learning the minor ones until i familiarize myself with the major seven. here's a general description of the major chakras, the emotions associated with them and the aromatherapy scents that are suppose to help maintain balance.  

1st Chakra - Root Chakra 
it is located at the bottom of your spine and its color is red. Emotions associated with this chakra are: fear and compulsive behavior. Weakness: nervous instability. 

2nd Chakra - Sacral Chakra 
It is located between the belly button and the pelvic and is associated with color, orangish yellow. Emotions associated with this chakra are: desires and jealousy. Weakness is lust, anger and aggression. Scents that can be used to help the Sacral Chakra are: Sandalwood, cardamom and clary sage.

3rd Chakra - Solar Plexus Chakra 
It is located in your mid area and its color is yellow. Emotions associated with this chakra are: warmth and nurturing. Weakness is: skin elements and emotional instability. Scents that can be used to help the Solar Plexus Chakra are: Juniper, hyssop, lime, marjoram.

4th Chakra - Heart Chakra  
It is located in the chest area and its colors are green and pink. Emotions associated with this chakra are: love, compassion, friendship and generosity. Weakness: greed, anger, over protectiveness. Scents that can be used to help the Heart Chakra are: Geranium, bergamot, ylang-ylang, jasmine and lavender.

5th Chakra - Throat Chakra 
It is located between your chin and your cervix and its color is blue. Emotions associated with this chakra are: honesty or dishonesty, vocal communications. Weakness: laryngitis or sore throats. Scents that can be used to help the Throat Chakra are: Chamomile, basil, peppermint, rosemary.

6th Chakra - Brow/Third Eye Chakra 
It is located between the brow and forehead and its color is indigo-purple/blue. Emotions associated with this chakra are: imagination, idealism and love. Weakness: migraines, sleeplessness, sinus and self-pity. Scents that can be used to help the Brow/Third Eye Chakra are: Lemon, Pine, and Hyacinth.

7th Chakra - Crown Chakra 
It is located at the top of your head and its color is white or lavender/gold. The emotion associated with this chakra is: Emotional imbalance. Weakness: coma. Scents that can be used to help the Crown Chakra are: Neroli, myrrh, frankincense and rose.

Aaah, I'm on mixcloud nine...

a friend recently introduced me to a music social network called mixcloud. it's a well designed, interactive online radio network site that gives listeners control over what they want to listen to in what's referred to as cloudcasts; audio shows that are stored in a "cloud" and available to be streamed on-demand. it's like the youtube of music (just audio though). users can search and listen to a wide variety of music like house, dj mixed sets, ambient, funk/soul, jazz, indie, hip hop, drum and bass, dancehall reggae, world, and more. there's even talk radio and lectures in topics like business, politics, news, comedy, culture, music, sport, and technology. the london based mixcloud.com has been around for some time, it was launched in 2008 by co-founders nico perez and mat clayton. this short video demonstrates how mixcloud works.


Mixcloud - About video from Mixcloud on Vimeo.

the layout is cool, hip and visually appealing. navigating through the site is fluid and intuitive, and options are easy to follow and user friendly. content is uploaded by users, music publishers, trusted dj's, radio hosts, and podcasters. so far, i've listened to dj/producer behrouz and paul oakenfold. 

listeners can follow other listeners and artists. they can check out what their friends have been listening to on the listener's profile page. users can also share their listening sessions on other social network platforms, ie Facebook, Twitter, even blogs too. anyway, here's the house mix by behrouz (from his siriusFM satellite radio show) i listened to while i worked and spruced up the house today. 

Pure Berouz Radio Show #27 (1.15.11)

Pure Behrouz Radio Show #027 1.15.11 by Pure Behrouz on Mixcloud

i'm assuming mixcloud is kind of a music testing ground of some sorts, unlike commercial radio that forces music on you. it trends what users are streaming the most, pushing it to the top of the hot/popular list. there's also a list for new uploads. radio presenters and DJs benefit as well, they're able to share and promote their shows without having to use filing sharing sites. i wonder how much content is actually on mixcloud? it'll be interesting to see what mixcloud produces and manifests into in the coming years. i hope it sticks around. 

personally, i like it better than other free internet radio sites like pandora.com. it's online radio that's cool and interactive, although i'm not sure if i want to be all that sociable just yet. i'm just glad i was introduced to this network. i cannot wait to explore, share, and listen to more music. 


the behrouz mix i'm listening to is almost over, darn it! although i was just reminded by the san francisco/miami based dj's usual tag and sign-off which best describes mixcloud, "it's all about the music!"

serendipity exists...

just wish it could stick around a little bit longer. 

I've got butterflies

I'm not sure if it's going to be a good night but usually when I get butterflies in the tummy it's usually a sign that something good, or something life changing is about to happen. My tummy's been jittery on and off for the past couple weeks. At first I thought it was the coffee, Red Bull, 5 Hour Energy drink, well, it could've contributed to jitters but a friend reminded me that it's my stomach chakra trying to tell me something. This includes social expectations, balance within, intense emotions and ultimate desires etc.

Well, on the work front, there were some developments this week that call for a celebration while will soon commence. I have a date tonight as well.  I think the date has been giving me a lot to be jittery about.